Driving

I have been driving for over 30 years. I passed my Driving test first time, and like all teenagers, was happy as Larry, (whoever Larry is). Driving my own car was not only a great way to find myself independent of Public transport or 'Dad's Taxi'. It was also FUN! I'm not saying that I was ever a boy racer, but I did enjoy travelling around in my old Vauxhall Viva, picking up friends and going places. I dare say that because the roads were quieter then, most people would find themselves speeding at some point, but accidents seemed no more apparent then than now. The main deterrent was the little blue panda, or the flashier 'jam sandwich' police car, usually discreetly parked just out of view, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting speedsters. Saying that though, often the police involved would sometimes just pull you up, talk to you as if you were 5, and tell you not to do it again. You would apologise profusely, make lame excuses, and doff your metaphorical cap at the copper, and once he'd returned to his car, you'd continue your journey, albeit a bit more slowly.

Nowadays, you stand no chance. Since that wonderful invention, the 'safety camera' became part of our highway furniture, there are few people who have not been stung at some point, and had to cough up their hard-earned money to swell the coffers of their local authorities. There is no doubt that there has to be some merit in preventing accidents by whatever means possible, but I am not convinced that the Stealth Tax Camera is any more than just that - a legalised way of robbing Joe Public of yet more of his cash. If this were not the case, then how do they explain siting cameras on dual carriageways, and then reducing the speed limit in order to catch as many people as possible? This photo shows a stretch of pedestrian-free A34 dual carriageway, equipped with crash barriers, and yet the speed limit was dropped to 50 mph when the camera appeared on the scene. It is difficult to see how this could be an accident blackspot. It would also be interesting to see how many thousands of pounds this camera alone has made. Multiply that by the thousands of cameras around the country, and we are on a hiding to nothing. The Gatso is the modern equivalent of the Sheriff of Nottingham's tax collectors, waiting beside the road to mug you for your wallet.

If that's not bad enough, we pay ever-increasing road tax every year, only 2% of which is used to pay for road upkeep. Then we pay more tax every time we pay for petrol, and VAT is added to everything else you may have to buy for your car, including the fluffy dice! You pay a charge to travel into London, and they are expanding that fast-buck idea by adding a toll to all major roads. That will force more motorists onto the badly kept back roads, but don't worry, you won't escape. With all the extra cash they're making, they'll be able to buy more Gatsos, and link them together on those same back roads so that if you speed up between cameras, they will know and take your wallet anyway!

Another stupid idea to help ruin the motorists' day is local councils seen-to-be-doing-something plan of building speed humps everywhere, using the phrase 'traffic-calming' as the excuse. I currently drive an MGf. I have had to have two new tyres fitted in the last year because of punctures which have appeared on the inner walls of the tyres. The man that fitted them told me that he has seen this problem before. Unfortunately, the MGf being a small car can barely straddle the brick and tarmac obstacles without scuffing the inner walls of the tyres. Great. Not only do they slow my car to less than 20mph in a 30mph zone trying to negotiate the damned things, but also I get to buy twice as many tyres as everyone else! There are two main types that cause damage to my car. The speed 'cushions', which are anything but, are the ones that wear my tyres. The actual 'humps' cause the mudflaps underneath my car to scrape along the ground. If I attempt to drive at anything like 30mph, the low clearance means the chassis crashes down on to the road, jolting not only the car, but also me inside.

There have been many documented cases of speed humps actually causing spinal problems and even complete paraplegia in some people, but their use becomes more widespread although there is no evidence that they reduce accidents, which is surely their intended purpose.

It is no better when you arrive in any town these days. Then you have the joy of trying to find somewhere to park your vehicle, find enough ready cash in your pocket to pay the meter or buy a ticket. Who actually carries around pocketfuls of loose change these days? I use my Bank debit card to pay for most things, which means you have to remember to ask for cash-back when you go supermarket shopping, before you reach town, or find a cashpoint machine. This of course only pays out in notes, so then you have to find a local newsagent and buy a newspaper or chewing gum that you didn't really want, just so you have loose change for the Council's car park! Okay. You've found a space, you've paid your fee, and you've gone off merrily searching for bargains in town. Woe betide you if the girl at the checkout in that last shop is a bit slow. If you arrive back at your car two minutes late, you will usually find some smug ne'er-do-well in Council uniform has just taped a parking ticket on your windscreen, and you know that you are instantly £40-£60 out of pocket again. If only that shop hadn't been selling car polish on a 'Buy One Get One Free' basis, you wouldn't have been queueing all that time anyway! The polish has now cost you the equivalent of whatever you paid for it PLUS the fine, which makes it less of a bargain after all. Never mind. At least when you use your car polish to shine up your pride and joy on Sunday morning, you know that your car will look the prettiest of the bunch in the stack of Gatso photos yet to be taken!